December 2009
156 posts
The Grandma Chronicles
My grandma, 83 years old, has decided she can say anything to anyone at any time. There's this dude in church that wants to take her out but she almost cursed him out cause he hugged her too close.
Him: All I want to do is take you to dinner.
Grandma: I cook my own dinner fool. I don't want your ugly $&@ no way. I don't want anything that looks like you. Smellin' like cat piss.
Grandma goes hard. She said when I get married she's going to dance around everyone.
Me: What are you going to do?
Grandma: Susie Q. I'mma bring a style that no one dun seen be'fo.
Me: The.. Susie Q? I'm going to have to check a wiki.
Grandma: Wiki? Weekee? You watch your mouth!
Me: Grandma, I'm saying..
Grandma: I'm just fooling. I like carrying on. I know the Wikiputer.
Me: ....
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**ur grandma=pure awesome
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You should have seen when I transcribed through Twitter the conversation we had during the last Grammy Awards. This is nothing, lol.
The Grandma Chronicles
My grandma, 83 years old, has decided she can say anything to anyone at any time. There's this dude in church that wants to take her out but she almost cursed him out cause he hugged her too close.
Him: All I want to do is take you to dinner.
Grandma: I cook my own dinner fool. I don't want your ugly $&@ no way. I don't want anything that looks like you. Smellin' like cat piss.
Grandma goes hard. She said when I get married she's going to dance around everyone.
Me: What are you going to do?
Grandma: Susie Q. I'mma bring a style that no one dun seen be'fo.
Me: The.. Susie Q? I'm going to have to check a wiki.
Grandma: Wiki? Weekee? You watch your mouth!
Me: Grandma, I'm saying..
Grandma: I'm just fooling. I like carrying on. I know the Wikiputer.
Me: ....
Avatar
After coming out of the theater and holding in the gallon of Cherry Coke, it seems advisable to make my way to the bathroom. I enter the marshlands of the men's room and take inventory of urinal placement and stall usage. Seeing no option, I hit the first urinal, separating myself from the next user with a 'urinal divide'. Before my hands make their way to the zipper, conversation, somehow, ensues (additional commentary in brackets):
Random Dude: You seeing a movie? [We're in the bathroom of a movie theater partner, this would be the first red flag - stating the obvious for conversation introduction purposes]
Me: Yeah, Avatar. [Well played, as I am unable to instantly cut the stream, I am unable to excuse myself]
Random Dude: Awww man, that movie was crazy, right? I mean, how tall where those things? [Is this pertinent to the task at hand - how long have you been here? Have you been waiting for this moment?]
Me: 10-12 feet I suppose. [This is my penance for purchasing the the trough of Coke isn't it?]
Random Dude: You know what that movie was about I heard? [We aren't going to do this. You aren't going to exposit the subtext of Avatar. Not now.]
Me: (silence) [If there is a God in Heaven..]
Random Dude: Injins. American Injins. [Injins? This Yosemite Sam sounding cat hit me with Injins.] Yeah, deep stuff. It hit me where I live. [Where you live? You aren't even pissing at this point are you?]
Me: Right.
Random Dude: (leaves urinal) Yeah - I tell you. (walks out of bathroom)
Me: Then maybe we need to make a close to three hour movie about a native people washing their hands and explore that rich meta layer of philosophical ideals.
Watchabhor:
itsamazing:
This little kid dances better than probably 99% of the people I know.
Lookit him go. Lil behbeh getting it in.
He’s successfully won the game of life.
“There is a property in the horizon which no man has but he whose eye can...”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
“For God’s sake hold your tongue, and let me love.”
– John Donne
“La soledad es muy hermosa… cuando se tiene alguien a quien decírselo.”
– Gustavo Adolfo Bécquer
Watchsamssushibar:
the karate kid…wrd…
Karate Kid: Theatrical Trailer.
Jaden Smith & Jackie Chan.
I’m in.
Watchdo bem™ - Açaí Juice 100% fruit (Tic Tic Tac Wafer’s Keyboard)
Creation Direction: Hardcuore
Art direction, design and animation: Breno Pineschi and Rafael Cazes
Design assistant: Luiza Rosa
Photography: Breno Pineschi
Soundtrack: “Tic Tic Tac - Carrapicho” (João Brasil Tecnobrega’s Remix)
Sound Effects: João Brasil
Ambien.
Steve: One of my friends just posted this as their gmail status.
Me: I'm listening.
Steve: "i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out."
Me: Haha.
Steve: Ambien. Dangerous shit.
WatchAlyssa Milano’s Jersey Shore Evolution
